i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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