I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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