No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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