i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
