what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
