well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
