I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
