plz talk dirty to me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
