omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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