PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Alive.
So much puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
