you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
