i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
