I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
