she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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