I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
