Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
