We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
