she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
