he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
