I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize