ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
