I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
