the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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