She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
