Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
