benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
