i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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