no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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