Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
