She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
FUCK WHALES
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
