Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
