I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
