Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
