Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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