she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
