Got a toothbrush?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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