What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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