remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sober January is a disaster.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
