i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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