Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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