I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
