He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
