but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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