went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she peed on how many people?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
