If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
