if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
