I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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