I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize