so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
