I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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