apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
