so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So many bounce houses so little time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
