At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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