she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
