did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
