"it" just moved
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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