when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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