having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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