i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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