I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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