Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
