Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Randomize
