He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
