So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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