I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
