Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
