Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
