I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I looked at my own cervix.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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