Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
