Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
